June 16th 2006
If the full-length mirror in my room has taught me one thing, it's that pasty equals sexy. Whenever I bend over to reach down into my undie drawer, I witness a magnificent flash of white light being sent my way from the mirror behind me. A light so blinding with beauty that I feel guilty for not sharing my bare ass with the world on a more regular basis.

And even though Hollywood will tell you that a taut, tanned body is what gets the ladies' blood pumping these days, all I can say in response is that they haven't been fortunate enough to lay eyes on the unbridled sexiness of my pigmentless and somewhat hairy bum. (The lucky few to hold that prestigious honour include my girlfriend, friends, and a handful of McDonalds drive-thru staff).

Okay I may be a little biased in my opinion on whether or not white boys like me can actually be deemed attractive, but I really do believe it to be the truth. I was even going to post a homemade video of myself to try to convince you of the tastiness of pastiness, but luckily for you I have the opportunity to do it through song, by way of the very appropriately named German band, The Whitest Boy Alive.

The Whitest Boy Alive are lead by jack-of-all-trades and self confessed ginger, Erlend Oye. You may recognise Oye from his kick ass DJ Kicks mix that he did a couple of years ago, or as the front man of Kings Of Convenience. And like I've been saying this whole time, these guys just reek of sexy. If the shuffling of the drums and bouncing basslines don't make your cheeks a little flushed, then Oye's nonchalant but rhythmic vocals sure will. And as each song goes by, you'll be getting more and more into it. Then as the brilliant 'Burning' comes to a climax, suddenly you don't give a fuck about the red wine you just spilt on the new couch. You'll be too busy screaming 'DO ME! DO ME NOW!', to nobody in particular.

The Whitest Boy Alive are a little more poppy sounding than the predominantly acoustic Kings Of Convenience, which is actually right up my alley at the moment. In fact they sound like they're fresh out of the University of European Cheesy Pop-Rock, from which we've seen such esteemed colleagues as Phoenix, Air, and Benny Sings.

So check out a few tracks from their brand spanking new album, 'Dreams' (purchase here). Just make sure there are some hotties in the room, or the power of these sexy white boys will have you making out with your hand.

The Whitest Boy Alive - Burning (Highly recommended)
The Whitest Boy Alive - Inflation
The Whitest Boy Alive - Fireworks

Send them a sexy message or photo on their Myspace.

And one of my favourite Kings Of Convenience track...

Kings Of Convenience - I'd Rather Dance With You

And 'who the fuck are Benny Sings?', I heard you ask before. Well it just so happens that these Dutch dudes made one of my very favourite pop albums of recent years in 'Champagne People'. And here is my favourite song from it...

Benny Sings - Style Beats Liberation Fronts (Highly recommended)

And you can actually listen to the whole album at their website. How nice of them.

this tasty sandwich by marc